Phaedrus says Manners before morals...

Can be anybody ( CBA ) : Gosh , you sure have put on oodles of weight !! Seems like all you have done these holidays is eat and sleep. Heheehe. You should do something about it you know otherwise you will just continue to blow up further. Hahahaa. Hey are those dark circles below your eyes?? You look so tired and pale. Is that your new perfume?? It’s strong because it’s making me a lil dizzy. How much did you score in the entrance exams?? What do you mean you don’t want to tell me?? Please Please ..I just have to know. No, I haven’t even tried giving any of them. Actually was concentrating hard on becoming a graduate. What have you decided to do next? Future plan?? ( 5 secs to breath) …Kuch to socha hoga na…so what plans??

Phaedrus (who is not just anybody) & (Rumblings of mind. I see red. I want to taste blood today. No don’t hit. Don’t use the word. Control. You are educated. Speak. You are much more dangerous that way):

Answer to stupid Q 1) Yes I have put on weight. Yes I have been sleeping a lot lately too.Yes I know I should do something about it .

Real answer to stupid Q 1) Yes I have put on weight. You don’t have to be an Einstein to figure that out. You think I didn’t notice it? I happen to carry the baggage everyday? You want some of it, you fool !! I am a foodie and very lazy at the same time.I agree it’s a dangerous mix but which part of me looks like I care?? There is more of me to love now. I live up to my surname when I eat. I refuse to look like a Bangladeshi refugee like you. You malnutritioned , anorexic maggot !! Do you puke after each meal to stay this way?? You look like a skeleton with rags on. Are you withering away as each day passes?? I think you are slowing fading…maybe dying. Or have you just come back from a graveyard and are you living your life backwards i.e from bones to flesh?? Your legs look so gorgeously tempting that I won’t blame the dog if he mistakes them to be two big bones strolling on the streets. OR You are a mammoth who refuses to extinct yourself , what gives you the authority to be shocked when you look at me? It would take me 10yrs to look like you and that too if I eat incessantly and skip breathing if at all that is possible.

Answer to stupid Q 2) Ya they indeed are dark circles. It was a bit hectic for me lately and hence look tired and pale.

Real answer to stupid Q 2) Gosh ,you figured that all by yourself?? Sorry to disappoint you though. They are not dark circles. Actually it is the mascara that wasn’t waterproof. Actually I cried my heart out last night after we met in the party. I cried because with “intelligent” people like you prowling around , people like me should be living in caves and cages. I am stupefied ,terrified , petrified by the way your mind functions ( or does it at all). How about rephrasing your Q? You look tired.Are you all right?? Simple Manners.Well your eyes seem to have been callously fixed in the sockets and every time you look surprised ( that is very often ) I feel the eye balls might just fall out of the socket. But I ever tell you so? No. Simple manners.

Answer to stupid Q 3) No, it isn’t my new perfume. Maybe it is strong since you feel dizzy.

Real answer to stupid Q 3) No, its not the perfume. Actually my blood is boiling. Boiling so hard that fumes are coming out of my body. It’s a mixture of sweat and fumes. Why fumes? Because I see red when I see pachydermatous and air headed people like you. That makes me angry and my blood boils. I can’t really hit you or be an insensitive scum like you , so I have found out that I can ward off people like you off by exhibiting this aroma.You feel dizzy? Good. That was the whole idea. I had tested it on cockroaches and rodents before finally using it for you. Good , I didn’t waste all that money for nothing. Actually, the perfume is fine and even the amount of it applied is fine. Who asked you to take in so much of it in your lungs when you breathed?? You could have just sniffed and let go.

Answer to stupid Q 4) I haven’t lived up to my expectation. Didn’t fare well. Please don’t ask.

Real answer to stupid Q 4) Are you a blonde who is a brunette by any chance? I don’t want to tell. Carrot top, don’t you get it? Moreover what contribution do you have in my success or failure? Did you help me out ever in my preparation ? I feel like hitting my head on the wall after the results ..if you have contributed to it then I should bang your head too.You want me to do that? Why are you so curious? Is it going to be one of questions asked when you appear for an interview or exam? Does your life depend on this? Will you refuse to get married and have kids if I don’t tell you? Will this lack of information strangle you to death ? You were concentrating on graduating…soo did you top d sem. Exam? Did I ask you anything of that sort? No. You pest of the first order , why are you being a leech and sucking my blood? Curious cat, go get a life.

Answer to stupid Q 5) No, I really haven’t thought of anything yet.Lets see.

Real answer to stupid Q 5) Well I think I will get married in a week to somebody filthy rich and set out on a world tour.Come back and kick him out of the house in some years and keep almost everything he owns (even the dog ). Will call you for a cocktail party when the plan succeeds.How about that? You like the plan? I might even open up a thela and give a good competition to the Shankar Nagar tapri fellow. I want someone to wash the utensils though. You want to do that?? See mera toh poora planned hai and you are there in every plan. Realize your importance now? My future seems pitch dark without you. I am so happy you are so “genuinely” concerned about my future. Why do you ask me the same question every time we meet? You think my future plan will change each time? You know what , I’ll give you what you want. I will provide you with a new future plan each time.You happy , me happy …future happy.

CBA ( shellshocked and pained look suggesting “Only I can save you.” ) : Vacation all alone? But what did you do? I mean koi toh hoga waha…you are kidding right? Didn’t you get bored all alone?

Answer to stupid Q 6) Yes, I traveled alone. I just roamed around and it wasn’t boring.

Real Answer to stupid Q 6) Ya, I went alone. So what? I did nothing and that was the plan. Why should I get bored? Do you get bored in your own company? If yes then how to you expect others to enjoy your company? Why are you scared of staying alone? Are you scared of yourself ? Are you scared that you will be found locked in the apartment after two days of death and half eaten by the Alsatians? Do you need people around every time to enjoy yourself? I pity people like you. Learn to live with yourself. How can you expect people to tolerate you when you can’t ? Don’t look at the mirror all alone then. Have people around when you do that. You will find yourself in them and remain happy. Most people are other people.Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,their lives a mimicry,their passions a quotation.

Phaedrus : ( For people like CBA )….These are just of a few of many stupid questions asked.Wake up and smell the coffee !! Wake up before it’s too late. It’s always manners before morals. Don’t you preach and teach if you don’t possess basic decency. Don’t call yourself educated. Don’t talk about principles when you don’t know what should be done with it. It seems we are all living in a counterfeit individualistic society.

I know most of the time its out of sheer comfort and friendliness that you ask such questions and make such remarks. It’s just a casual enquiry for you because the worthless curiosity is ingrained in you.I fear the day when you will breed more like you.

God, I fear the day when people like me will speak up. Fear the day when I give you the real answers. You want to play it mean? I excel in the game. It’s just that I choose not to put down all my cards at once. The day I do that , you will lose it all and reduce to rags. If the thought of the dawn of such a day scares me…think what it will do it to you. Education is a term given to mass hypnosis..well said Pirsig.I couldn’t agree more. Basic manners. Just basic courtesy. I don't think I'm asking for much. How would you react if somebody asked you these stupid questions?God, I fear the day when people like me will speak up. Sends a shiver down my spine...

Neither Tea nor Bournvita...only Coffee

Disclaimer:All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Inner voice : Don't lie.You know you are simply faking it in the disclaimer.whom are you kidding?Think of all those people who read blogs to motivate themselves by reading about the miseries,affairs(the word sounds so inappropriate here)and plights of the writer.You can help them choose their drink after this.People don't even know that they have "such sensitive taste buds".They spent hourssss just caressing the tongue with different drinks.

Enlightment.Should be honest to my work and blog followers.Can see the halo over my head.

New revised disclaimer :All characters have been attempted to be made to look fictitious...poorly.You may not be mentioned but you're here.Any resemblance to real persons,living,dead or undead shows how you can read between the lines and eventually propels your intelligence.

(The Nescafe coffee shop.Bandini and MohMaya are in animated conversation.)

B:And I have to tell you about me and coffee... coffee and me; they have this amazing relationship. I never even knew that it existed; for this purpose also; that is. Not like that with bournvita/tea; at least not any more. No fun only..

MM:
That’s not what I recollect of bournvita/tea.It was reputed to be the drink with the sense of commonly loved taste.

B:
Not anymore. All tea does nowadays is cause lethargy, headaches, anxiety, irritability and insomnia.

MM: (Emphatically)
I don’t believe it.

B:
There’s something I have not told you.My likings for tea/bournvita has changed dramatically over the past 6 years.

MM:
Like what?

B:
Sounds silly but I don’t know how else to put it. It has become.... too hyped?? and is proclaimed to be a loved drink for all the wrong reasons.

MM: (Laughing)
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. Have you tasted a good drink?

B:(Angrily)
What do you mean by a good drink? I drink bournvita/tea and every biscuit that I can lay my hands on. It’s not that the liking for it has vanished completely.I still have a sip but few and far in between. Most of the times, it is excessively chocolaty. See,it already was a bit sweet. But now with XYZ new bournvita/tea, it has turned into an overrated drink.

MM:
An overrated drink? What do you mean?

B:
I mean even in the smallest of instance... everything from afternoon breaks in offices, to the deciding factor while choosing a bride, to the excuse behind the comatose exaggerated by most working crowd.... tea has to see some sinister conspiracy to derail coffee(a much accomplished drink both in taste and after effects in comparison) in everything.

MM:
So? What’s the problem with that?


N:
What do you mean “So what’s the problem with that?” Try drinking only tea for the rest of your life and you will never know the pleasure of drinking coffee.

MM:
What is your problem with tea?

B:
See,tea is just a tapri kind of a drink. It’s a good means of earning for tapriwale. That’s it. Drink. But don’t overdo it. I think tea lovers cross the line.

MM:
You were talking about tea.How many times do these tea lovers consume the drink?

B:
At every possible moment..

MM:
That’s it.

B:
That’s the problem. The same drink over and over and over again. Then pondering about when to have the next one....

MM:
Which are the places that encourage these addicts without a taste?

B:
Oh that I remember. Currently the favourite is The tapri ki chai... that small thela found in every nook and corner? Will drink it Over and over and over again and and then ask for some cigarettes/bhajiya/poha along with it...

MM:
Ek Will's ka packet dena Bhaiya.Account mein daal dena mere.

B: (Shouts with hands on her ears)
Please don’t I feel as if I am listening to them only.

MM: (Laughs)
And?

B:
..... And they want the coffee lovers like me to enjoy it with them. Some time back it was this new brand of bournvita called ‘XYZ’(Name changed.scandals have morals.gossip don't).. And only one sip of the drink if enough for you to figure out how sickly sweet the rest of the drink will be. Have you had the drink?

MM:
Yep. Fantastic sleep sweetner as the slog reads.

B:
Agreed. But an entire mug?two times a day?And then checking height and weight and solve sudoko to see any bouts of improvement.

MM:
Any more instances of these overrated drinks as you would like to call it?

B:
Oh yeah. Sample this. A few months ago we were going back from a party. It was almost midnight and I suddenly stopped at the Shankar Nagar tapri. My friend asked me what was wrong and I said look at those owls(the official "night riders" ) around the tapri. I told her it’s midnight and how can you have tea(mostly preferred) and poha at midnight?.She retorted by saying that Top off the tea..lubricates the grey matter. I said stop being juvenile and told her not to give me all that stupid philosophical shit about tea.

MM:
And what did she say?

B:
You won’t believe it. I still remember word to word. (Mimicking) ‘The perfect temperature of tea is two degrees hotter than just right”

MM:
Hmm... Interesting I hope you did not tell Daanav about your love for coffee?

B:
I have demonstrated that ample no. of times actually.

MM:
You are so goddam predictable. And what did Daanav say ?

B:
That it was very interesting to see the way I agree for almost anything when my blood system is supplied with caffeine.My diagnosis was “get her coffee and she will dance on her toes.”

MM:
Fancy term; and what did your lost tea friend say when she heard this?

B:
You wouldn’t want to know.

MM:
No. I want to.

B:Tea is more of a ritual than a mere habit now.It helps forget work stress or stress of any kind for that matter and helps us adjust to the sick society around us.Although it is not even close to being as classy as coffee and the feeling of alacrity it provides right from the first sip,tea is pet favourite of the commoners.After all not all possess the exuberant taste like Your Highness does.



MM:
Hmm.

B:
It’s not about getting back at tea/bournvita or something like that. coffee has a deeper meaning in my life now.
Have some pity. Are you my friend or what? I have fallen in love with coffee at the age of 21.

MM:
And you don’t love bournvita which was your breakfast n evening drink for four years ?

B:
The bournvita I know no longer exists . The question of love does not arise.It has changed and I think it is irreversible. Even if it is not, I no longer have the patience to wait for the day when it will become my bournvita again.

MM:
And do you still love cornflakes n milk?

B: (Irritated)
I don’t know.

MM:
You are not planning to tell your tea loving friend about how you feel about tea, are you?

B:
Sweetheart, can’t you see? I definitely have to tell her. Such things do not remain under wraps for long. The problem is tea/bournvita is so much of a turn off now that I really don’t know how she will react to my love affair with COFFEE.