Phaedrus says Manners before morals...

Can be anybody ( CBA ) : Gosh , you sure have put on oodles of weight !! Seems like all you have done these holidays is eat and sleep. Heheehe. You should do something about it you know otherwise you will just continue to blow up further. Hahahaa. Hey are those dark circles below your eyes?? You look so tired and pale. Is that your new perfume?? It’s strong because it’s making me a lil dizzy. How much did you score in the entrance exams?? What do you mean you don’t want to tell me?? Please Please ..I just have to know. No, I haven’t even tried giving any of them. Actually was concentrating hard on becoming a graduate. What have you decided to do next? Future plan?? ( 5 secs to breath) …Kuch to socha hoga na…so what plans??

Phaedrus (who is not just anybody) & (Rumblings of mind. I see red. I want to taste blood today. No don’t hit. Don’t use the word. Control. You are educated. Speak. You are much more dangerous that way):

Answer to stupid Q 1) Yes I have put on weight. Yes I have been sleeping a lot lately too.Yes I know I should do something about it .

Real answer to stupid Q 1) Yes I have put on weight. You don’t have to be an Einstein to figure that out. You think I didn’t notice it? I happen to carry the baggage everyday? You want some of it, you fool !! I am a foodie and very lazy at the same time.I agree it’s a dangerous mix but which part of me looks like I care?? There is more of me to love now. I live up to my surname when I eat. I refuse to look like a Bangladeshi refugee like you. You malnutritioned , anorexic maggot !! Do you puke after each meal to stay this way?? You look like a skeleton with rags on. Are you withering away as each day passes?? I think you are slowing fading…maybe dying. Or have you just come back from a graveyard and are you living your life backwards i.e from bones to flesh?? Your legs look so gorgeously tempting that I won’t blame the dog if he mistakes them to be two big bones strolling on the streets. OR You are a mammoth who refuses to extinct yourself , what gives you the authority to be shocked when you look at me? It would take me 10yrs to look like you and that too if I eat incessantly and skip breathing if at all that is possible.

Answer to stupid Q 2) Ya they indeed are dark circles. It was a bit hectic for me lately and hence look tired and pale.

Real answer to stupid Q 2) Gosh ,you figured that all by yourself?? Sorry to disappoint you though. They are not dark circles. Actually it is the mascara that wasn’t waterproof. Actually I cried my heart out last night after we met in the party. I cried because with “intelligent” people like you prowling around , people like me should be living in caves and cages. I am stupefied ,terrified , petrified by the way your mind functions ( or does it at all). How about rephrasing your Q? You look tired.Are you all right?? Simple Manners.Well your eyes seem to have been callously fixed in the sockets and every time you look surprised ( that is very often ) I feel the eye balls might just fall out of the socket. But I ever tell you so? No. Simple manners.

Answer to stupid Q 3) No, it isn’t my new perfume. Maybe it is strong since you feel dizzy.

Real answer to stupid Q 3) No, its not the perfume. Actually my blood is boiling. Boiling so hard that fumes are coming out of my body. It’s a mixture of sweat and fumes. Why fumes? Because I see red when I see pachydermatous and air headed people like you. That makes me angry and my blood boils. I can’t really hit you or be an insensitive scum like you , so I have found out that I can ward off people like you off by exhibiting this aroma.You feel dizzy? Good. That was the whole idea. I had tested it on cockroaches and rodents before finally using it for you. Good , I didn’t waste all that money for nothing. Actually, the perfume is fine and even the amount of it applied is fine. Who asked you to take in so much of it in your lungs when you breathed?? You could have just sniffed and let go.

Answer to stupid Q 4) I haven’t lived up to my expectation. Didn’t fare well. Please don’t ask.

Real answer to stupid Q 4) Are you a blonde who is a brunette by any chance? I don’t want to tell. Carrot top, don’t you get it? Moreover what contribution do you have in my success or failure? Did you help me out ever in my preparation ? I feel like hitting my head on the wall after the results ..if you have contributed to it then I should bang your head too.You want me to do that? Why are you so curious? Is it going to be one of questions asked when you appear for an interview or exam? Does your life depend on this? Will you refuse to get married and have kids if I don’t tell you? Will this lack of information strangle you to death ? You were concentrating on graduating…soo did you top d sem. Exam? Did I ask you anything of that sort? No. You pest of the first order , why are you being a leech and sucking my blood? Curious cat, go get a life.

Answer to stupid Q 5) No, I really haven’t thought of anything yet.Lets see.

Real answer to stupid Q 5) Well I think I will get married in a week to somebody filthy rich and set out on a world tour.Come back and kick him out of the house in some years and keep almost everything he owns (even the dog ). Will call you for a cocktail party when the plan succeeds.How about that? You like the plan? I might even open up a thela and give a good competition to the Shankar Nagar tapri fellow. I want someone to wash the utensils though. You want to do that?? See mera toh poora planned hai and you are there in every plan. Realize your importance now? My future seems pitch dark without you. I am so happy you are so “genuinely” concerned about my future. Why do you ask me the same question every time we meet? You think my future plan will change each time? You know what , I’ll give you what you want. I will provide you with a new future plan each time.You happy , me happy …future happy.

CBA ( shellshocked and pained look suggesting “Only I can save you.” ) : Vacation all alone? But what did you do? I mean koi toh hoga waha…you are kidding right? Didn’t you get bored all alone?

Answer to stupid Q 6) Yes, I traveled alone. I just roamed around and it wasn’t boring.

Real Answer to stupid Q 6) Ya, I went alone. So what? I did nothing and that was the plan. Why should I get bored? Do you get bored in your own company? If yes then how to you expect others to enjoy your company? Why are you scared of staying alone? Are you scared of yourself ? Are you scared that you will be found locked in the apartment after two days of death and half eaten by the Alsatians? Do you need people around every time to enjoy yourself? I pity people like you. Learn to live with yourself. How can you expect people to tolerate you when you can’t ? Don’t look at the mirror all alone then. Have people around when you do that. You will find yourself in them and remain happy. Most people are other people.Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,their lives a mimicry,their passions a quotation.

Phaedrus : ( For people like CBA )….These are just of a few of many stupid questions asked.Wake up and smell the coffee !! Wake up before it’s too late. It’s always manners before morals. Don’t you preach and teach if you don’t possess basic decency. Don’t call yourself educated. Don’t talk about principles when you don’t know what should be done with it. It seems we are all living in a counterfeit individualistic society.

I know most of the time its out of sheer comfort and friendliness that you ask such questions and make such remarks. It’s just a casual enquiry for you because the worthless curiosity is ingrained in you.I fear the day when you will breed more like you.

God, I fear the day when people like me will speak up. Fear the day when I give you the real answers. You want to play it mean? I excel in the game. It’s just that I choose not to put down all my cards at once. The day I do that , you will lose it all and reduce to rags. If the thought of the dawn of such a day scares me…think what it will do it to you. Education is a term given to mass hypnosis..well said Pirsig.I couldn’t agree more. Basic manners. Just basic courtesy. I don't think I'm asking for much. How would you react if somebody asked you these stupid questions?God, I fear the day when people like me will speak up. Sends a shiver down my spine...