Pragmatic Incarceration of a Romantic ...

Mysterious note: The content below can baffle the SENSES and has nothing to do with the savage hunting of creativity as planned originally. I changed my mind and decided to be creative.

Phaedrus, comfortably numb for a little more than a month now is mystified with his own ability to stop questioning for a while.Life was smooth , placid , aloof and on a permanent insinuation of anaesthesia.The modicum of kookiness didn’t lasted for too long.The inability to find his favorite Outlet to drain the concocted fumes of suppressed agitation led Phaedrus to his old long lost friend Alter Ego.The Outlet is blocked for sometime.It has been over used recently but then it has been under used for so many years.Alter Ego, the doppelganger of Phaedrus is amorphous with no human form.It is amusing how desperately people try to find their Alter Ego’s in flesh and blood of different chromosomes.It is so precarious if you think you have “found one” in someone else.AE is within you and is always available for a talk.

But AE wasn’t alone when Phaedrus reached. Phaedrus was introduced to The Fool,an opinionated man of few irritating words.Maybe he was AE’s Alter Ego. As they say , every best friend has another best friend. The conversation begins with the addicted aroma of the anticipated coffee filling up the place.The sedentary placement is picture perfect on the steps facing the backyard and there are people moving on the road behind the fence.

AE ( with a smirk ): You have been coming to meet me a lot these days. We used to be inseparable once upon a time but then you seemed to gradually drift away to an Outlet. I notice the difference now due to our erratic encounters. It seems Incarceration ironically opened many locks .

Phaedrus : It did actually.The journey began when my journey had ended. A facial expression that was a reaction to a dreaded question and a word was noticed. I am glad it was noticed. Vicissitudes of the peregrination still exist but I know they are the essence of the charm. Everything possible ventured into and still so much more to discover. Guilty of not paying enough attention to you because it is never like the way it is with you. You never leave and that is the best part.

The Fool : Each of us is here for a brief sojourn. Schopenhauer says, that "a man can do as he will, but not will as he will


Phaedrus : Why are people scared to love wholeheartedly? By love I don’t mean ‘ C’mon baby light my fire ‘ kinda love. I don’t see people adore each other. Heck , I don’t even come across the word adore anymore. Only the honey bunnies and sweet pumpkins seem to own the copyrights of the term love these days. Throw in parental love and love with the third cousin who is the daughter to the aunt whose name I don’t remember but she is loud and pink in all the family functions. How bout love between two people that arises out of pure adoration ? why is that so strange to many??

Alter Ego: Wait a minute. You are unknowingly contradicting yourself. The dictionary uses idolization, the sort reserved for God alone as a synonym for adoration.

Phaedrus : No, not hero worshipping. Now you see?? See how difficult it is to express your fondness for someone without extricating your feelings into something absolutely different . It gets reduced to something safer . I ‘ like ‘ him/her/that.

The Fool: Even the word ‘like’ has a hint of an expectation that something might happen. You have to even use a different tone which sounds harmless when you use it otherwise you can fall pray to portentous ramblings of a CBA ( can be anybody).

Alter Ego : A lot of factors come into consideration when you project your feeling in public view. A certain conduct has to be maintained. A line has to be drawn no matter how bleak and austere you find the lines.The line has always been there, Phaedrus. You chose not to see it. The absence of proof is not the proof of absence. It is the way the world functions. Blame it on their inhibitions or maybe lack of courage or simply dearth of wanting to trust people causes this restrained love.

Phaedrus : Is there something like “ we just clicked?” I have met people, most of the time complete strangers and we have got along like a house on fire. I instantly seem to develop a soft corner for them. I can’t see them in trouble and I tend to act as the mother hen when I see them swerving in the wrong direction. I could never see things gray. It is either black or white. I can’t understand moderation. If you love someone , you love him/her with no boundaries. Period.

Alter Ego : Phaedrus ,Not everyone is strong and in a situation to showcase what they feel. With you it has been different and never calculated. What amazes me is why this sudden birth of expectation? I have always admired the self-composed-with-tremendous experience principle of relationship that you follow…. In order to maintain a relation ,you should never expect and always should have the power to detach whenever you want to.

The Fool : The secret of life is never to have an emotion that is unbecoming.


Phaedrus : I am not expecting here. It’s just that I was wondering if sharing of dreams was possible.Can somebody else’s dream be as important as mine? Why this urge to see things fall into place for the other person? Can’t see them give up without a decent fight. But personalizing this fight..is it necessary? Is it needed? Is it worth it? What happens to my dream ? Why do I have to ask for attention? Why are people like King Lear? Why do I have to speak with a purpose and for a purpose to get my share? Will Cordelia always be punished for loving her father more than words?


Alter Ego : It’s your dream . Why do you want somebody else to sweat it out with you? You want it , go get it.You have always been the romantic fool.I agree, in every relation there has to be manifestation of growth on both the sides. Most relations fail when once realizes of unfulfilled dreams.But the crop will grow only when the soil is ready.Don’t go begging for help,Phaedrus. It will come if it has to come.You can’t badger people around reminding them of a pact once made. Maybe you just need to grow up.Most importantly, you cannot term them as selfish.People are parts of each others dreams.Remember and underline the word ‘part’. Not entirely. You play your part and then move on.

In popular usage, the word “selfishness” is a synonym of evil; the image it
conjures is of a murderous brute who tramples over piles of corpses to
achieve his own ends, who cares for no living being and pursues nothing but
the gratification of the mindless whims of any immediate moment.
Yet the exact meaning and dictionary definition of the word “selfishness”
is: concern with one’s own interest.

The Fool: Once I thought myself master of my life; lord of my fate,who could do what I pleased and would always succeed.I was as a crowned king till I met him, and now I am an exile and outcast and despised.

Phaedrus: I just wanted dreams to be fulfilled. These dreams were sincere. How can you just watch someone drown? The coxswain needs the Captain to give him the directions. Do not mistake the coxswain to be hapless and spineless. He can handle it once the path is all straight and clear. But this pernicious turn is scary and he can’t afford to crash into the dock this time. The ship has to steer the right way this time. It would be a mess if it doesn’t. The wreckage would never be built again. It will all go waste. How can the Captain just watch him drown?

But he is a recalcitrant fool who wanted to do it all alone..says the Captain. The coxswain is verbal about all things under the sun but shies away when it comes to asking for assistance and for someone to take authority.No time for randomness anymore.The discipline needs to be watched over continuously.The Captain has to take control no matter how obstinate the kid seems to be.Take control and continue doing so without being asked to.But I don’t want the Captain to be obliged to do so.Do it if you want to.Do it if it is important. Do it if you really care. The aim is to sail on new waters.About time to bid farewell to the backwaters. It’s coming on the end of August…

Alter Ego : Hmm, you are indeed incorrigible. You still expect somebody to take charge of the situation and continue doing so even without mentioning it?? People don’t care beyond a certain point. You are on your own mostly. You are just being a fool…again n again n again.

The Fool beams as AE feels Phaedrus is turning into him.

Phaedrus ( looks at The Fool..) : This is not a compliment. There are thousands of reasons why I should not expect the Outlet to be the passage to my dream but I go back to where it all started. Back to square one. Back to saying…I have always loved wholeheartedly and I wonder why people don’t?

Alter Ego : The unsaid love you talk about is rare.. almost non-existent. Each man on his own is the only truth.By the way, how come you are repelled by the free advice and “help” offered to you by many?? Hahaaha. How do you differentiate between genuine help and otherwise?

Phaedrus: Not funny. They are the ones who need help. Watch the eyes ,I was once told. I just do that. I have learnt many a lesson under the starless sky from a place three storied high.

Alter Ego : Till mean things put on beauty like a dress
And all the world was an enchanted place
And then methought outside a fast locked gate
I mourned the loss of unrecorded words,
Forgotten tales and mysteries half said
Wonders that might have been articulate
And voiceless thoughts like murdered singing birds
And so I woke and knew that he was dead.

Phaedrus: Lines from the Deat Poet?? I have not given up yet. I will complete the poem even of I have to do it all by myself but the absence of the poet will be felt.

The Fool : Outlet with a capital letter O all over the place….typo??

Phaedrus : I ain’t stupid and it ain’t a typo.It has to be in capital letter.Don’t even bother to figure it out or ask for an explanation.Of Ad hominem they accuse me…little do they understand that it has always been about the person and not his speech.I just watched the eyes and trusted. I did as told.