My blog

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Phaedrus says Manners before morals...

Can be anybody ( CBA ) : Gosh , you sure have put on oodles of weight !! Seems like all you have done these holidays is eat and sleep. Heheehe. You should do something about it you know otherwise you will just continue to blow up further. Hahahaa. Hey are those dark circles below your eyes?? You look so tired and pale. Is that your new perfume?? It’s strong because it’s making me a lil dizzy. How much did you score in the entrance exams?? What do you mean you don’t want to tell me?? Please Please ..I just have to know. No, I haven’t even tried giving any of them. Actually was concentrating hard on becoming a graduate. What have you decided to do next? Future plan?? ( 5 secs to breath) …Kuch to socha hoga na…so what plans??

Phaedrus (who is not just anybody) & (Rumblings of mind. I see red. I want to taste blood today. No don’t hit. Don’t use the word. Control. You are educated. Speak. You are much more dangerous that way):

Answer to stupid Q 1) Yes I have put on weight. Yes I have been sleeping a lot lately too.Yes I know I should do something about it .

Real answer to stupid Q 1) Yes I have put on weight. You don’t have to be an Einstein to figure that out. You think I didn’t notice it? I happen to carry the baggage everyday? You want some of it, you fool !! I am a foodie and very lazy at the same time.I agree it’s a dangerous mix but which part of me looks like I care?? There is more of me to love now. I live up to my surname when I eat. I refuse to look like a Bangladeshi refugee like you. You malnutritioned , anorexic maggot !! Do you puke after each meal to stay this way?? You look like a skeleton with rags on. Are you withering away as each day passes?? I think you are slowing fading…maybe dying. Or have you just come back from a graveyard and are you living your life backwards i.e from bones to flesh?? Your legs look so gorgeously tempting that I won’t blame the dog if he mistakes them to be two big bones strolling on the streets. OR You are a mammoth who refuses to extinct yourself , what gives you the authority to be shocked when you look at me? It would take me 10yrs to look like you and that too if I eat incessantly and skip breathing if at all that is possible.

Answer to stupid Q 2) Ya they indeed are dark circles. It was a bit hectic for me lately and hence look tired and pale.

Real answer to stupid Q 2) Gosh ,you figured that all by yourself?? Sorry to disappoint you though. They are not dark circles. Actually it is the mascara that wasn’t waterproof. Actually I cried my heart out last night after we met in the party. I cried because with “intelligent” people like you prowling around , people like me should be living in caves and cages. I am stupefied ,terrified , petrified by the way your mind functions ( or does it at all). How about rephrasing your Q? You look tired.Are you all right?? Simple Manners.Well your eyes seem to have been callously fixed in the sockets and every time you look surprised ( that is very often ) I feel the eye balls might just fall out of the socket. But I ever tell you so? No. Simple manners.

Answer to stupid Q 3) No, it isn’t my new perfume. Maybe it is strong since you feel dizzy.

Real answer to stupid Q 3) No, its not the perfume. Actually my blood is boiling. Boiling so hard that fumes are coming out of my body. It’s a mixture of sweat and fumes. Why fumes? Because I see red when I see pachydermatous and air headed people like you. That makes me angry and my blood boils. I can’t really hit you or be an insensitive scum like you , so I have found out that I can ward off people like you off by exhibiting this aroma.You feel dizzy? Good. That was the whole idea. I had tested it on cockroaches and rodents before finally using it for you. Good , I didn’t waste all that money for nothing. Actually, the perfume is fine and even the amount of it applied is fine. Who asked you to take in so much of it in your lungs when you breathed?? You could have just sniffed and let go.

Answer to stupid Q 4) I haven’t lived up to my expectation. Didn’t fare well. Please don’t ask.

Real answer to stupid Q 4) Are you a blonde who is a brunette by any chance? I don’t want to tell. Carrot top, don’t you get it? Moreover what contribution do you have in my success or failure? Did you help me out ever in my preparation ? I feel like hitting my head on the wall after the results ..if you have contributed to it then I should bang your head too.You want me to do that? Why are you so curious? Is it going to be one of questions asked when you appear for an interview or exam? Does your life depend on this? Will you refuse to get married and have kids if I don’t tell you? Will this lack of information strangle you to death ? You were concentrating on graduating…soo did you top d sem. Exam? Did I ask you anything of that sort? No. You pest of the first order , why are you being a leech and sucking my blood? Curious cat, go get a life.

Answer to stupid Q 5) No, I really haven’t thought of anything yet.Lets see.

Real answer to stupid Q 5) Well I think I will get married in a week to somebody filthy rich and set out on a world tour.Come back and kick him out of the house in some years and keep almost everything he owns (even the dog ). Will call you for a cocktail party when the plan succeeds.How about that? You like the plan? I might even open up a thela and give a good competition to the Shankar Nagar tapri fellow. I want someone to wash the utensils though. You want to do that?? See mera toh poora planned hai and you are there in every plan. Realize your importance now? My future seems pitch dark without you. I am so happy you are so “genuinely” concerned about my future. Why do you ask me the same question every time we meet? You think my future plan will change each time? You know what , I’ll give you what you want. I will provide you with a new future plan each time.You happy , me happy …future happy.

CBA ( shellshocked and pained look suggesting “Only I can save you.” ) : Vacation all alone? But what did you do? I mean koi toh hoga waha…you are kidding right? Didn’t you get bored all alone?

Answer to stupid Q 6) Yes, I traveled alone. I just roamed around and it wasn’t boring.

Real Answer to stupid Q 6) Ya, I went alone. So what? I did nothing and that was the plan. Why should I get bored? Do you get bored in your own company? If yes then how to you expect others to enjoy your company? Why are you scared of staying alone? Are you scared of yourself ? Are you scared that you will be found locked in the apartment after two days of death and half eaten by the Alsatians? Do you need people around every time to enjoy yourself? I pity people like you. Learn to live with yourself. How can you expect people to tolerate you when you can’t ? Don’t look at the mirror all alone then. Have people around when you do that. You will find yourself in them and remain happy. Most people are other people.Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,their lives a mimicry,their passions a quotation.

Phaedrus : ( For people like CBA )….These are just of a few of many stupid questions asked.Wake up and smell the coffee !! Wake up before it’s too late. It’s always manners before morals. Don’t you preach and teach if you don’t possess basic decency. Don’t call yourself educated. Don’t talk about principles when you don’t know what should be done with it. It seems we are all living in a counterfeit individualistic society.

I know most of the time its out of sheer comfort and friendliness that you ask such questions and make such remarks. It’s just a casual enquiry for you because the worthless curiosity is ingrained in you.I fear the day when you will breed more like you.

God, I fear the day when people like me will speak up. Fear the day when I give you the real answers. You want to play it mean? I excel in the game. It’s just that I choose not to put down all my cards at once. The day I do that , you will lose it all and reduce to rags. If the thought of the dawn of such a day scares me…think what it will do it to you. Education is a term given to mass hypnosis..well said Pirsig.I couldn’t agree more. Basic manners. Just basic courtesy. I don't think I'm asking for much. How would you react if somebody asked you these stupid questions?God, I fear the day when people like me will speak up. Sends a shiver down my spine...

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Neither Tea nor Bournvita...only Coffee

Disclaimer:All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Inner voice : Don't lie.You know you are simply faking it in the disclaimer.whom are you kidding?Think of all those people who read blogs to motivate themselves by reading about the miseries,affairs(the word sounds so inappropriate here)and plights of the writer.You can help them choose their drink after this.People don't even know that they have "such sensitive taste buds".They spent hourssss just caressing the tongue with different drinks.

Enlightment.Should be honest to my work and blog followers.Can see the halo over my head.

New revised disclaimer :All characters have been attempted to be made to look fictitious...poorly.You may not be mentioned but you're here.Any resemblance to real persons,living,dead or undead shows how you can read between the lines and eventually propels your intelligence.

(The Nescafe coffee shop.Bandini and MohMaya are in animated conversation.)

B:And I have to tell you about me and coffee... coffee and me; they have this amazing relationship. I never even knew that it existed; for this purpose also; that is. Not like that with bournvita/tea; at least not any more. No fun only..

MM:
That’s not what I recollect of bournvita/tea.It was reputed to be the drink with the sense of commonly loved taste.

B:
Not anymore. All tea does nowadays is cause lethargy, headaches, anxiety, irritability and insomnia.

MM: (Emphatically)
I don’t believe it.

B:
There’s something I have not told you.My likings for tea/bournvita has changed dramatically over the past 6 years.

MM:
Like what?

B:
Sounds silly but I don’t know how else to put it. It has become.... too hyped?? and is proclaimed to be a loved drink for all the wrong reasons.

MM: (Laughing)
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. Have you tasted a good drink?

B:(Angrily)
What do you mean by a good drink? I drink bournvita/tea and every biscuit that I can lay my hands on. It’s not that the liking for it has vanished completely.I still have a sip but few and far in between. Most of the times, it is excessively chocolaty. See,it already was a bit sweet. But now with XYZ new bournvita/tea, it has turned into an overrated drink.

MM:
An overrated drink? What do you mean?

B:
I mean even in the smallest of instance... everything from afternoon breaks in offices, to the deciding factor while choosing a bride, to the excuse behind the comatose exaggerated by most working crowd.... tea has to see some sinister conspiracy to derail coffee(a much accomplished drink both in taste and after effects in comparison) in everything.

MM:
So? What’s the problem with that?


N:
What do you mean “So what’s the problem with that?” Try drinking only tea for the rest of your life and you will never know the pleasure of drinking coffee.

MM:
What is your problem with tea?

B:
See,tea is just a tapri kind of a drink. It’s a good means of earning for tapriwale. That’s it. Drink. But don’t overdo it. I think tea lovers cross the line.

MM:
You were talking about tea.How many times do these tea lovers consume the drink?

B:
At every possible moment..

MM:
That’s it.

B:
That’s the problem. The same drink over and over and over again. Then pondering about when to have the next one....

MM:
Which are the places that encourage these addicts without a taste?

B:
Oh that I remember. Currently the favourite is The tapri ki chai... that small thela found in every nook and corner? Will drink it Over and over and over again and and then ask for some cigarettes/bhajiya/poha along with it...

MM:
Ek Will's ka packet dena Bhaiya.Account mein daal dena mere.

B: (Shouts with hands on her ears)
Please don’t I feel as if I am listening to them only.

MM: (Laughs)
And?

B:
..... And they want the coffee lovers like me to enjoy it with them. Some time back it was this new brand of bournvita called ‘XYZ’(Name changed.scandals have morals.gossip don't).. And only one sip of the drink if enough for you to figure out how sickly sweet the rest of the drink will be. Have you had the drink?

MM:
Yep. Fantastic sleep sweetner as the slog reads.

B:
Agreed. But an entire mug?two times a day?And then checking height and weight and solve sudoko to see any bouts of improvement.

MM:
Any more instances of these overrated drinks as you would like to call it?

B:
Oh yeah. Sample this. A few months ago we were going back from a party. It was almost midnight and I suddenly stopped at the Shankar Nagar tapri. My friend asked me what was wrong and I said look at those owls(the official "night riders" ) around the tapri. I told her it’s midnight and how can you have tea(mostly preferred) and poha at midnight?.She retorted by saying that Top off the tea..lubricates the grey matter. I said stop being juvenile and told her not to give me all that stupid philosophical shit about tea.

MM:
And what did she say?

B:
You won’t believe it. I still remember word to word. (Mimicking) ‘The perfect temperature of tea is two degrees hotter than just right”

MM:
Hmm... Interesting I hope you did not tell Daanav about your love for coffee?

B:
I have demonstrated that ample no. of times actually.

MM:
You are so goddam predictable. And what did Daanav say ?

B:
That it was very interesting to see the way I agree for almost anything when my blood system is supplied with caffeine.My diagnosis was “get her coffee and she will dance on her toes.”

MM:
Fancy term; and what did your lost tea friend say when she heard this?

B:
You wouldn’t want to know.

MM:
No. I want to.

B:Tea is more of a ritual than a mere habit now.It helps forget work stress or stress of any kind for that matter and helps us adjust to the sick society around us.Although it is not even close to being as classy as coffee and the feeling of alacrity it provides right from the first sip,tea is pet favourite of the commoners.After all not all possess the exuberant taste like Your Highness does.



MM:
Hmm.

B:
It’s not about getting back at tea/bournvita or something like that. coffee has a deeper meaning in my life now.
Have some pity. Are you my friend or what? I have fallen in love with coffee at the age of 21.

MM:
And you don’t love bournvita which was your breakfast n evening drink for four years ?

B:
The bournvita I know no longer exists . The question of love does not arise.It has changed and I think it is irreversible. Even if it is not, I no longer have the patience to wait for the day when it will become my bournvita again.

MM:
And do you still love cornflakes n milk?

B: (Irritated)
I don’t know.

MM:
You are not planning to tell your tea loving friend about how you feel about tea, are you?

B:
Sweetheart, can’t you see? I definitely have to tell her. Such things do not remain under wraps for long. The problem is tea/bournvita is so much of a turn off now that I really don’t know how she will react to my love affair with COFFEE.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Rebel without a cause takes a pause to find the cause...

Dedicated to blue whale,captain ( a.k.a manager) , Mr.P, Changu and Mangu.People who know I'm planning to travel a lot in these
6 days.

Why do you like it? Why do you want to do it? Do you know enough of it to claim that you want/like it? Are you licensed
to say that you absolutely loved the piece of work even if you just remember its flavor and not its ingredients?The aim was to
extract the nectar.We both enjoyed the 'process' of extraction and relished the sweetness.But I didnt bother to find out which flower
it was? when does it usually bloom? about the pollen grains,stem,leaves blah blah...why? Knowing the ingredients matters.It showcases
that your love for the matter made you take the pains to know about it.I wish the flavor be the only thing that matters.But then if
wishes were horses,beggars would ride.I wish the answers to all the questions mentioned above was simply " I just like it.thats it."

Phaedrus : what do you think of me?
Me: I don't think of you at all.

Curiosity.Newton trying to find out why/how the apple fell? understandable since it solved many questions that zoomed around and later
followed.You receive message on your mobile phone and the peeping Tom beside you gets excited and peeps in to see who is the sender.not
understandable.what did Tom gain out of it? sometimes Tom even wants to find out what the message consists of.Why?? Why this curiosity?
The public has an insatiable curiosity to know everything except what is worth knowing.Curiosity killed the cat.I just wish the cat died
nobly.

The unknown seems to scare people more than the known.Where does this zeal and enthusiasm ...the so called "curiosity to know the unsaid
and the unknown" vanish in such cases? why does not knowing cause only negative structure of thoughts?Is it because it is always easier
to figure out the wrong than think about the right? we always seem to figure out the right way to do the wrong thing and the wrong way
to do the right thing.The known is more scary.It is limited,has a shape,has boundaries.Agreed provides peace and stability but sometimes
not being able to change it worsens matters for the incorrigible dreamers.The unknown is disfigured,no form,no shape.You can't bottle it up.
You can't cage it.The unknown is exciting.take the plunge.channelise curiosity in a sensible manner.

Yes,winning is important.But so is choosing the right battles.how many of us choose the right ones?I see the picture of Dorian Gray changing.
He is being punished because he tried to see himself from a borrowed sight of Lord Henry's.Beauty is important.I finally agree now.I tried
so long to fight it but how can you provide an interpretation of something that society claims to be a fact.But I want to stop the change.
Escaping provides temporary pleasure.Dealing with it provides pleasure everlasting.Although that shouldn't stop you from travelling.Not all
who travel want to escape.Sometimes travelling is a form of looking the monster in the eye.

They say find the key.find the key to unlock.I ask have you forgotten that the key can lock the lock too??

Addressed to Changu/mangu : At the hub, the milch cow did oodles of moo moo and how it was aleady to be belled in a famous tabela.Cow was
flabbergasted when it came to know what the wild horse was upto.Untamed and unbridled ...is it possible?? it questioned.The wild horse simply
said "watch me."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Your Kingdom come,thy will be done on earth as in heaven...

This article is dedicated to the mutterings of some agitated minds questioning the existence of difference in the way our elected public servants are treated.An attempt to mollify and sort the ripples caused by some pebbles…..


Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.

The world is simply divided into two classes – those who believe the incredible, like the public and those who do the improbable (expected out of the people elected to power).People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy. There has always been this constant need to find a Hero , a knight in shinning armour to rescue the plebeians from distress. What is past is prologue!! Hercules riding Pegasus has been replaced by our beloved ‘pratinidhi’ in a Mercedes. Ya ,so the knight refuses to gallop around rescuing people in the prevailing extreme weather conditions everywhere now. Have some mercy!! With great power comes great responsibilities and greater privileges( if I may dare say so) So the modern knight has been bestowed with these privileges by the people around and he wishes to make use of it. Now can you blame Eve for eating the very tempting apple (a privilege in case she was living on roots and shoots )??The world has been made by fools so that the wise men should live in it. Power has consumed the space and wisdom just about adjusts withering in a corner in this kingdom of humans.But maybe I am being unreasonable.

To exercise power,you need to make your presence felt.Back in the golden days, you had people making way for the chariots of king and showered flowers.Maybe it was their way of expressing gratitude and love for their representative.Now the flowers are gone and have been replaced with annoyance but the comman man still has to make way for their ‘very fairly chosen one in an equally fair, transparent election process’. The difference is in the way the presence is being made felt to recognize and broadcast authority.The king has to sit on the thrown to gain the initial respect( later his execution of work matters) of his follower.He is not “one of them” and hence he has been crowned.It’s the people who want their “hero” to live a particular lifestyle and carry himself in a certain dainty manner so that they can continue living normally.The mark of difference is the mark of normalcy. It’s no longer about being fair or just. The imbalance is the perfect balance.Try explaining people planning to visit Madame Tussauds museum to get themselves clicked with the waxed caricature of their demigods?? Power can only be achieved with the help of others.But maybe I am being unreasonable.

Does the identity of the commoner really matter? Silly question because it has never mattered.Chitrangada Singh was upset and so where the newspapers that her voter’s card had her gender as male inscribed on it.Mine had Mr.Desholeena Chatterjee , 31 years ( I am Miss.Deboleena Chatterjee , 21 yrs in my daily life) . The only exception is my plight never made it to the news.Although sympathies ending with evil maniacal laugh by my beloved ones still continues.This harsh stealing of my identity didn’t cause an impediment to my determination to exercise my vote.As I wanted to flaunt the temporary indelible ink mark , I insisted Dad and Mom to treat me with a yummy Masala Dosa.When we reached the place, my eyes automatically started eyeing the middle fingers of the people around for a similar mark.None had it.I was expected too much.There I go being unreasonable again.


A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite. To propel a change ,everyone must feel the prick of an imbalance soo prevalent around.We have men wasting their lives, “talking to hear themselves talk”;capable sometimes of fine conceptions and of occasional fine phrases but incapable of the punishing toil of execution;fated in the long run to misery and destitution.I am reminded of a marvelous fine by my newly found old friend Shakespeare which summed up his impeachment of the world and his own justification;the only justification of any of us mortals :

“ A man more sinned against than sinning.”


Not all of us are agitated.Most of us are happy with the present pattern of things or maybe they just have given up hope.A sip of tea won’t wake up people who have labeled tea as a medium of pleasure.But I notice the presence of some birds who cannot be caged because their feathers are just too bright.Hope is supposed to be a good thing and good things never die.I hope these birds multiply with time.But then maybe I am being unreasonable again.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Et Tu Brutus? Then fall Caesar.

If the aftermath of a speech stirs an impact that becomes the content of yet another speech in future,then it can be safely termed to be a memorable one.Such speeches have no barriers of words,language or of the common tongue as the speaker rises higher than the parameters of a mortal man.

Brutus’s speech at Caesar’s funeral though overshadowed by Mark Antony’s parlance is absolutely marvelous and sadly underrated.When you commit a crime and start with an appeal to reason and order,there is a tincture of guilt that goes against what you think and what you say.Brutus’s speech lacked that guilt ending on an almost indignant note, and playing on the Roman people's regard for their civic freedoms.Maybe that’s why they say “you are not a thief until and unless you are caught “.He brilliantly praised Caesar for the person he was and at the same time justified why the cessation of his( Caesar) breaths was beneficial for his countrymen.His speech evolved around the (in)famous word “ambitious” which served its purpose to the core…that is to “damage”.It not only damaged Caesar’s reputation in the minds of his beloved Romans but was the only flaw in Brutus’s speech.With blood stains on your robes,you defend yourself under the pretext of a lover of humans?? Oh Brutus, you are heartless but I do not blame thee...For the people around chose what they wanted to see.

It is easy to make people think but very difficult to make them re-think and convince them that what they thought and believed for so long was a twisted interpretation and not a fact.Brutus did it but it was a Herculean task for Mark Antony to reiterate a reiteration!!
Mark Antony said much more than he meant and meant much more than he said.His speech was encompassed with rhetorical devices and the most deadly and ironical combination of sarcasm and euphemism.He unlike Brutus never praised Caesar rather he projected his decisions to be foolish for somebody who was crowned as an ambitious man.He never mentions the conspirators of Caesar’s death to be traitors but changes the very definition of “honourable” by changing its undertone and usage.But the word here served its purpose..that is damage again.He touched the central spot of Brutus’s speech ( “ambitious”) and crumbled the entire structure of thoughts in the minds of Romans into a worthless heap.One man’s food is another man’s poison!!He cites examples of how Caesar refused the crown thrice and how his heart bled when his countrymen suffered.Each time questioning the authenticity of the personification used by Brutus to address Caesar.
The speech of Antony served its purpose.It sowed the seeds of thoughts in the minds of the Romans,it created a turmoil in their hearts,it led to corporeal anguish but it also did what “memorable” speeches do….it never channelised and never gave a direction.It answered what,why,who etc…but never How?? It led to the death of Cinna,a poet who was mistaken as Cinna,one of the conspirators of Caesar’s death.Death of an innocent man!! I question you Antony….Don’t you have blood stains on your robes too? Are you not guilty of murder too? Claiming to be loyal to Caesar…you are the cause of one of his beloved ones ( assuming Caesar loved his countrymen as you say).To me you are no better than Brutus for you chose to show people what they didn’t want to see and when they saw it through your eyes..they were blinded!!!

O judgement,thou are fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason !

It’s amusing to spill poison about people who claimed to be righteous with my pen,
Rome was indeed full of ‘honourable’ men !!